- the truth behind a gurl . . . . -

heart aching so badly

2005-05-17T23:26:00.000-07:00

sigh
fizik 3 tomorrow
n i haven study a thing .
sigh
hav prob ?
i duno
words alwix come out from our lips.. but do v actually mean it?
damn ..
T_T
emotional ..
let's get touchy tonite
byee fizik
sigh
so long never feel tis way adi.. until... =x
bla..heart aching so badly..

what now ?

2005-05-02T18:00:00.000-07:00

duno wad i wann noww~~~
:'(
my fault ?
y parents treatin me lik tis
tears keep flowin
now..sau abit chi kek..tears flow jus lik dat
damn.. can any1 tell me how to hold back tears?
damn
i keep quiet..they force me to talk..when i talk..they say im rude.. wth
k fine..patience da best sollution
dennn
they keep irritate me.. beh tahan theM.. they beh tahan me also
i wan studi..they lik keep disturb me
when i dun..they scold.. wthhh
cisss
found out im not a gd gf either..not a gd daughter..not a gd fren.. wad m i gd at?
damn

..

2005-04-06T14:46:00.000-07:00

Still, not satisfied with everything.
Damn, my pictures!!!!!!!! still with him.. feel like dying adi.

And i desperately needs to go OUT!!!! i mean yes OUT to movie etc!
GOSH.
Hopefully this weekend i'll be able to enjoy the home-alone-feeling.
Yer.. scared la!! later got ghost.. :( no..later heard some weird noises.
:S HELP

OH i miss him!!!! =x

i'm so sick
everyday sleep sleep sleep~ dream dream dream..
never ending!!

FRUST-can someone entertain ME
jior

[ lmao -

2005-04-01T22:36:00.000-08:00

Just came back from tuition.
Went 7-11 earlier.

Cousin 1 waited in car.
Went in.
Grabbed few stuff that I wan. FROZZ! Grr cant take the Cherry's. He cant scan the thing. Cousin 2 was paying.
Out of a sudden, the man asked 'What happened?'
So, I was lik, 'Er, birthmark.'
Well he didnt get me, so i go 'tanda lahir'.
Guess what he said? 'Oh..that's sweet' <-- Birthmark, so i am sweet? Bla, fine.
Then,
When cousin 2 went out of the 7-11, the man asked 'your brother?'.
I lied 'No, My boyfriend..'
He said 'Oh My God' .. lol what he meant?
Then, when i was about to leave, he asked again 'really?'
I giggled 'no'
Walked towards the car.
In Car, I told them the whole thing. Cousin 2 was angry.
My brother said 'Ha? One so thin, one so fat'
Then, stupid cousin 1 said 'sian yee's thin?? is she?'
Grr, i know la i fat d. But still. So bad. =end=

Now 10.32pm, actually 9.30 supposed to go Perak d. But, u know..my parents always take their own sweet time, that is why. Man~ I am not getting reply from him. What happened? =x sad*

[ bla -

2005-03-31T20:20:00.000-08:00

Thursday.
Hmmm, dont know what the hell is wrong with my stomach.
3 days d. Pain at times. Grr. This is crazy.

Ha-ha anyone heard Eminem's Puke?
Darn cute larh! LOL. Chorus :
You don't know how sick you make me
You make me fuckin' sick to my stomach
Every time I think of you, I puke
You must just not know--whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa
You may not think you do, but you do
Every time I think of you
LOL

OMG i lied again. Told mom tml following Joanne to tuition but actually, not.
Bla bla. Die. Whats wrong with my stomach?! GRR

TML going back Perak d. Sob. Y m i feelin sad? Dada. shITx. Sigh.

Illusion?

2005-03-30T23:58:00.000-08:00

Is what I'm feelin now a illusion or what?
Sigh
Today was so moody that I must fake a smile out everytime. But now im feeling better.
Thank goodness.

WOW i'm being real straight forward. Yeah I'm mean, really don't want ppl to misunderstand. Lalala~

Damn, the dream I dreamt last night. seriously, it's funny but it's freakin me out also. akakak. so funny. why malay guy? dun understand. why my cousin? grr. why bitchy? dun understand also. freaky!..

SOB im going back Perak this friday!! =.=
cheng beng!!!!
so hot!!!
SOB SOB.

. : i'm still not studying hard.
k lar. chaox

[ SUNDAY ]

2005-03-27T16:56:00.000-08:00

Sunday.
HoHo.
Gosh. Today so early woke up d. Miracle dei. 9 something and I'm awake there doing the notice board's stuff. HoHoHo. A good start.
Sigh, my eye that place there getting bigger. So scary now. Hope the nanah will come out asap.
Hee. Show u my pics in Beijing.

This is me and Po Yee in class. Funny.

Aihs. I'm bored. I feel like going out. But, lazy at the same time. Sigh.
School's reopening tomorrow again. Haven't really finish the homework, well, haven't touch at all actually. Hahaha. Shitz it's like only few more months left. I'm still playing a fool. Even skip lessons. lol. Tomorrow going to the new Chemistry tuition. Gosh, hopefully I can understand this new teacher's teaching style. Hee. Ciaox.

Oh wait a min. Yes i'm announcing. Top Bitch - Tan Shieh Lee. Bla readers don't blame me. She started it first. Stupit bitch. We're in Form 5 now. Grow up! I guess she grows physically but not mentally!.. Childish~ Beh tahan her. Argh bitch. Never ending! She'll backstab me to whoever she knows, even to guys she knows. Fck. Bitchy bitchy bitch. Get outta my life!

[ momma help me ]

2005-03-26T22:10:00.000-08:00

Saturday.
Grr. Hate my eyes. Now this right eye swollen. Gosh something's growing again. Hopefully this time won't hurt much. Stupid dirts!

Aww! I miss Beijing. Ekeke. Miss seeing that guy. LOL. Gosh, wonder where he lives? KL? He got straight A's dey! Haha, just love looking at him. He's not that good looking also. Don't know why I just like looking at him? Bla.

I realised nowadays I'm enjoying sleeping more than anything else. Just now evening slept 4 hours plus. Damn! Still not enough~ T_T~

Stupid modem. Got disconnected suddenly. Luckily didn't click 'Publich Post'.

WAHLIAOWEHZ i failed two subjects this time. [history. biology]. Embarrassing wei~
Sob. Others also, not that good. Only few A's; maybe 1 or 2 only. Study Study Study! Stop sleeping! :x SOB.

Haha I suddenly feel like typing this. So here I go.. Who's not a virgin anymore? LOL. Just asking~ Bla. Stupid fucking guy. Always sms me when i'm in tuition, merajuk himself, then blame me, then suddenly apologize. I don't understand. Stupid stupid!

Here mom goes again. 'woi huang xiang yi,bu yong wen xi gong ke de ar?hai you ji ge ye ba liao?' sien with that sentence d. eyes gonna shut d. woke at 7pm, now's only 10pm. sleep again? no way. later must go yumcha! so long didnt yumcha at night d. hahaha! =P mayb shud go n do my stuff! LETS get busy!! ciaox

[ who understands me when i dun even understand myself ]

Half Dead

2005-03-13T04:21:00.000-08:00

4am now.
Arg. Few hours more will be off to KLIA off to China.

Grr. Just now went Teluk Pulai mamak. Damn. Stupid chao ah bengs! Made me so geram! When me and cousins were about to leave, I walked with Jiang. Then, those bengs thought he's my bf. Shit them! They said something. Er, if I'm not mistaken, they say if me and him do, he sure kemekkan me. Screw them! Shut up! Anyway, was wishing I could meet the leng chai Edison again. But, he didn't show up. Pity me. Sigh. Where're you, Edison? Miss u!

Hmmm. Feel like telling people what I dislike. Damn.
I damn don't like it when people got irritated by me for no reason.
Don't like when someone hang up when I'm trying to say something.
Don't like it when someone tries to irritate me when I'm trying to be serious.
Pretend to be listening to me when I'm talking.
Make me jealous.
Thats what they did this week to me!
Bla!

Gosh. I miss him. Who's he? Shh!
I wish I could see him everyday and night! Sigh!
Ya, like I can. Go on dreaming, Sian Yee!

Haha, seriously I felt guys nowadays are really funny in a way. Just, I received calls from 3 different guys. One thought I've got bf and straight away hang my call. Damn him! Don't like it. Second and third ones. They asked me the same questions. LoL. I was laughing when the third asked me again. " What if one day I'm serious? " , "When want to go out and meet? " Hah! Funny. It won't happen k? LoL. I feel guys nowadays are not insistence enough. They said they love that girl. Out of sudden, they'll tell you, I don't like her, I like someone else. Damn playboy! Boys? What's in your mind? I really don't understand you! So, what kinda guy should we accept? What kinda guy should we like? Well, I really don't know! Someone please tell me if I like the right guy? Sigh. Confused.

4.20am now. Should I sleep? Bla.

Bad to worse

2005-03-11T23:39:00.000-08:00

Friday
Screw!
Got my paper today. Well, ADD MATH says it all. I'm so blind and careless, -3-20x =-23x .. My goodness! Careless mistakes totaling 18 marks, which can bring me an A1. But? Sigh.. Can't believe I cried for Add Math. Wonder what am I gonna get for History, Bio, Physic, etc.. Stressed!
Don't know what's with me. This week skipped lotsa classes (school and also tuition). Maybe I'm gonna get into trouble very very soon. I'm beginning to hate myself for what I did these few weeks! Things I did with him. Skipping lessons. Not studying. Results. Conclusion, I'm getting from bad to worse. So, when am I going to be the worst? Sigh!
Anyway, I saw him today. He's like so thin already. Felt something in my heart. Don't know what's that something. Hmmm, hope he'll get back his fats soon. Gosh, what am I trying to say? LOL happy to see him :)
"ADD MATH says it all".. still sad! Everytime think about the marks, really feel like crying!
SAD + HAPPY = ?
Don't know ler!! Feeling so neutral now. Someone please entertain me! Damn! Hate Hate Hate!
END.

Good Day OR Bad Day?

2005-03-09T16:21:00.000-08:00

Wednesday. Went school just to chit-chat. Damn! Yesterday whole night was talking about that stuf with him. Well, almost every night and day. Thank goodness it's stopping! I told him how I felt inside. Hmmm, he felt so sorry for me. Well, those things i sent him are all gone now! The things he sent me too! Wee! But, felt so sorry for him. I upset him by throwing all those words to him. Am I being cruel? Or is that the right things to do? Although he's not the person I'm in love, still, I care. What the hell is wrong with me? Sigh! But I'm glad he's changing to a better! Everything he sms-ed today sound so-not-him at all!

Results. Fuck! It's just monthly test and I'm already getting bad results. Chemistry? It was so easy but I got a C6! Damn! Math too! Few careless mistakes here and there. Got an A2! A2 for BM too! Ng Sian Yee, failure!

Laziness. Getting lazier and lazier as each day passes by. Not too sure whether I can cope up with teachers in school. Got a feeling I'm going to do badly in May's exam!

Friendster. They haven't activate my account. Sob! L.O.L Maybe my IC looks fake? Haha but I edited until damn nice wei! Bornt 1986~ LMAO. Two years older!

Okay.. Later got tuition.. Need to sleep now! Good Nite BloGgie!

Shy Guy ? Cute Guy?

2005-03-06T16:03:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I went JJ for gathering.. went n saw some primary school teachers..
after that, went n watch feng shui with Sam. Gosh.. whole movie, she was like closing her eyes and watch.. nevermind.. after the movie, went n walk around.. keke..

finally get to see Chun Yik..!!!
gosh.. he's really so shy.. that makes him cute! very cute.. got dimples some more..
LOL.. fell for him again?
bah..i dont know..

sigh.. that wasn't the climax..

yesterday i went to the jenjarum temple but half way turned back cause jam.. reli jam.. for about 2 hours.. geram la!! went for no reason.. came back n zZz.. was msging him..
and .. i guess i did the stupidest thing on earth!

AGAIN?! it's lik.. Oops I did it again! goodness!! can't help feeling like a slut now!!

bah.. donolar.. CONFUSE

going crazy

2005-03-05T00:00:00.000-08:00

SsSsighHhHh.. what the fuck is wrong with this world?
Actually today's a great day because those scary papers over d.. but now.. i don't think so.. sigh..
-Test? say byebye to a's..
-Not enough of sleep.. and was so tired!! whole day so sleepy..
-Got irritated by some fellows..
-Tuition, tuition, tuition!! zZz
-Mom forgotten to pick me from tuition!! Made me waited for like 30 minutes.
-Bla.. Friendster account got suspended some more.
- K E K . S I M !!!!
-Feel like releasing everything within me!! GRR! fck!
Everyone just dont seems to understand me! B Y E . ARGH!!

donk!

2005-03-02T05:31:00.000-08:00

physic. bm. chemistry.
sigh! ng sian yee.. how can u not knowing how to answer those?
damn! thought chemistry was tougher than physic,
thank goodness it's not cuz did not study chemistry at all.
but, physic's last two questions which totals up to maybe 39 marks,
i krapz alot for that 2 ques. man! how can i? gee.
as for bm, it's worse. i chose ques 4. and it's about bencana alam.
guess what? i dun hav many points, but still i wrote that. also, krapz alot.
this monthly test's krapz! the result i'll be getting might b krapz too.

tomorrow's history.math.est~
ha-ha havent read history at all. am holding the book now, but not readin.
guess i'm ready to fail. bla.

hm gosh i suddenly realised.. i've lost his cd holder. donk donk me! i bet if he knows bout tis, he's gonna kill me. anyway, need to study! chowz.

[ die die die]

2005-02-28T03:57:00.000-08:00

just started studyin fizik~ darnz~! haihx..
haven even finish 1 bab..
AND
I HATE LIZARD!!!!!!
hate hate hate hate~!~!~!~!
grr..stupit!! tat day crawled on my neck..
yesterday nearly crawl on my leg..
n today i avoided :P
buahahaa.. lizard~~~ die die die!!!!!!
n im gonna b dead soon also~~~~
muakakaka.. insane~~ sigh~

[ am i losing it all ? ]

2005-02-07T16:08:00.000-08:00

Really, 2005..sucks so badly.. What's with this world man? I felt I'm lost.. About the chatterbox thing, found out who's the actual person.. Damn! Shouldn't have check it out.. really feel damn hurt now! Really in pain.. Somemore relationship with friends.. I really don't know what to say.. don't wanna talk about it.. everytime talks bout that, reminds me what kinda person i am.. unsocialable? unfriendly? can't take even a single joke? gee.. n most importantly..am i getting jealous all the time?? and that teacher.. the matter like got real serious d.. if school's not doing anything, mom's gonna take action, writing letter to government.. sigh.. though i feel like complaining, but i felt sorry for that teacher too.. i just don't know what's up with me! family? this cny, parents also lik bor song bor song each other.. arguements and all.. i dun lik it!! why must ppl around me being so rude, not tolerance, and not understanding? why must they irritate me? i seriously dun like it! damn it! i hate all of u..fakers! pretending every minute every seconds! sometimes i feel walking alone by myself is better than walking in a group or two! aiks.. not sometimes, but most of the time.. You can keep everything to urself, not being irritated, not being irritating, not being betrayed, and etc.. so why get yourself close friends? why get close with strangers? why making yourself feeling bad? best advice -> keep your inner from others! even the closest ones.. got a feeling, this cny is not enjoyable.. sigh.. TELL ME WHY.. WHY IS EVERYONE PRETENDING? INCLUDING ME!!!

[ pretty pissed with teachers nowadays ]

2005-02-05T16:07:00.000-08:00

Well.. today's gotong royong day! YEA.. gotong royong.. and i really hate today! hate myself too! damn it! i hate 2005! god must be hating me cuz i never felt this worse before! and damn! i cried! gee.. k what happened today? today we need to clean up some places and take a few pic for moral project! and i so i was standing there like dungu dono what to do.. so i picked those rubbish and pulled out the grass la.. then friend help me to take my pic doing that lar.. n i need to teach her how to use d cam.. suddenly this teacher came to me n accused me of posing posing n take pic.. man.. she said "pose pose take pic den cabut" did i? shit her la! den afta tat.. i was like listening to her la.. she pulak ugut say wanna throw my cam if i continue taking pic but didnt help.. prob is.. m i not doing anything? sheesh.. den she started what's ur form.. i answered 5 but she couldnt hear.. baa.. den she repeated tat 'i am askin u what form r u in?!' gee.. bangang! den say i no manners all..den she sort of insulted my mom.. says ' did ur mum teach u manners? ' ..repeated 'did she? ' i damn pissed with these sentence la!! den sumore when i tell her my name.. she thought it was a fake ones.. she thoughth i created that.. den she continue screwing me blabla.. den after tat she stared at me one kind.. bloody lerh.. never felt tis worse b4!!!!!! baaaa.. now i begin to dislik TEACHERS! .. den.. donolaa.. bloody hate her! n i told mum.. mum also angry la.. what kinda teacher is this.. she's the 1 without manners but she's scodlin me? blaaa.. when school reopens after cny im gonna complain to da hem~ hmmm.. sumore these days..dono what's with me la.. lik alwix pissed wit this person n tat~ reli.. i felt unwanted..hated.. blaa.. it's lik.. ppl dun even realise my exixtance.. man!! never felt this worse b4!!! as every year pass.. it's getting worse.. 2005! sigh.. plus family also not tat good.. ppl talking behind each others.. reli.. when tat day mum touch bout tat topic.. i nearly cried in car.. sigh.. what da heck

exhausted

2005-01-17T21:30:00.000-08:00

ho ho ho ho.. i never feel this tired before.. yesterday morning morning get up then listened to undang.. darn.. so boring there.. and.. believe it or not.. i embarrassed myself there.. dun feel like mentioning again.. da da da! then after that 6hours of listening.. went to jusco.. again..stayed there for 6 hours.. with frens..then family.. sigh.. stomachache also must tahan tahan.. ciss.. talking bout that.. i finally recovered! sob.. im so happy.. after 5 days of cirit biriting and stomach ache.. i finally recovered!!!!!! gosh.. hopefully no more of these! darn swey this year.. keep on sick onli.. first dono wad.. then my foot..keep on pain.. den.. dono where.. den left eye sumtin grew inside.. then right eye got sore eye.. then tummy probbiez.. sigh.. swey-est year !!! today came back straight away sleep..until 6pm.. i skipped my physic's and chemistry's class!~~ i felt so unknowlegdible now!! everything also dono..

sigh sigh sigh

2005-01-10T20:26:00.000-08:00

baaaa baaaaaa..eeyerrrr.. sumtin is growin inside my left eye.. darn pain lerhh.. aihx.. blink my eye only pain adi.. aihx.. sheesh.. im goin hk on 21st.. aihx.. eeyerrr.. aihx.. pain pain pain !!!

Another Bad Day!!

2005-01-03T21:48:00.000-08:00

Man! Can u believe this? I'm in 5D.. heeyerr.. classmates all nerd.. thank goodness poyee is in the same class as mine.. n she sits next to me!! mann.. so many prefects.. stress stress.. GRR.. nevermind la.. guess wad? pn parimala is my form teacher!!! baa.. seriously i don't know what's everyone's fucking problem dei.. keep on tak chui me whole day.. felt pissed.. reli..PISSED!!! *look around* is there anyone out there who can talk without lame-ha-ha-jokes, lame-ha-ha-way-of-talking, insulting n etc? BaA.. no one! go die dei! 2005.. this is jus da beginning and i'm alredi feelin this way.. baa.. baa.. baa... baba black sheep off u go hell!! baaaa.. wad's wid baa? dielerh! jus now sunitha ..spot test all.. man.. total gone.. she talk bout f4 thingy.. i damn kao blur dei.. sheetzz.. dying.. baaaa.. k.. ciaox.

.. no one knows what itz like to be me ..

Happy New Year 2005 ! !

2005-01-02T16:44:00.000-08:00

Yo yo! Can u believe this? It's year 2005 adi.. Gosh.. i'm getting older.. 17 this year.. Will be taking SPM soon!! Unbelievable!! Hmph!! I'm back to blog~ Went back hometown..nearly lost my hp.. then afterthat uhm.. got go port dickson and malacca (that sunday..tsunami that day) gosh.. scary lerh.. so many died.. aihx.. bcause of this, whole m'sia didnt celebrate new year eve.. keke.. new year eve that day went cailing's house to barbecue.. hmmm then hor my house also got one lur..but i go cl's house..akak..go her house til 1am plus.. come back gamble..lost..ate the leftover food..akaka..gosh.. and.. grown fat d la me.. aihx.. eevryone realised that!! scary!!! aihxxxxx.. TOMOLO START SCHOOL EDI~!!!!!!!!!! HAVEN REDI!!!!!!!!!! shitz

[ still a kid ]

2004-12-15T23:37:00.000-08:00

Wee! Jus now went Taman Rakyat! lol.. yahh.. me going there~ wonderin yea? hahaz.. hmm.. went n jogged and.. i played swingg swingg!!! ^^ gosh.. play half way, the guard chase me away! he was like from up there "ah moiii, umur berapa???" .. den i faster faster get up..lol!! hmm.. gosh.. my brother is even bigger size than me~ gee.. what the hell? look old doesnt mean i cannot play!! hEEE.. anyway.. sick of seeing my chatterbox adi.. with the sick ass around.. yea..
GRRR..suddenli get so angry again!! tomorrow add math class!! morning sumoree.. *sigh*.. k laa.. HM.. well yesterday i read the newspaper!! man.. FLOOD in terengganu, pahang and kelantan! and the NS is affected as well!! I think it says that NS postponed one week due to the flood.. AND.. i saw the word.. "dead" .. *sigh*.. Hope everything everyone there will be just fine.. Well.. no comment laa.. aihx.. yesterday when i was updating my diary.. guess wad? something pop out of my mind..just like that.. my wild imagination ba? i saw myself kneeling down infront of kuan yin ma hoping that yh will be fine there.. and fer gudness sake.. i wont ok? aihx..

[ time really flies ]

2004-12-14T23:24:00.000-08:00

I'm sick again i guess.. Gonna get sorethroat n cough soon.. Hehe.. I'm chatting with Cai Ling now.. Hee.. By the way , it's 11.07pm now.. Dad's gonna take over the pc any minute.. Hm.. Actually I'm thinking.. i'm so weak.. what if I die tomorrow and never get to experience everything i wanted? i.e to be in his arms.. to drive.. to travel around the world..to reli hang out with all of my close friends.. to do lotsa things! Hm.. Realised people are not what they looked like.. For example, look at my chatterbox.. come on, the so called 'kenneth'.. don't pretend, i know who you are.. well at least i know whose ip is same as yours? gee.. I guess my friend's right.. some people are just pretending and stab people from their back! what a loser! To do but don't dare to admit! Chick..chick..chicken~! And one more thing.. those people who copied my stuff..admit it ba.. for goodness sake, admit it.. i'm not gonna eat u! Stupid dei..made me hardly give my trust to anyone d.. reli hate them.. FakeR.. fake it out every time.. every moment.. Poyee.. read this -> Things are not what as they are..For example..people around me.. i'm horrified! when i gotta see their true colors..!!<-- *sigh* Maybe those who r hypocrites wont feel anything for what i'm saying at all.. But, look! u're just a normal person like i am! u thought u're extra-ordinary? to hell u go n i hope u'll burn in hell for having such attitude.. look behind u, u thought your friends are sincere to you too.. Well, u're WRONG! They'll treat u the way u treated d others..!
Hm.. whatever.. I downloaded the MSN 7.0.. Wee.. cute cute!! lol.. intro u.. go download! but.. msn plus can't work with it.. I don't know why also.. hEehhEe.. k lar.. wana go watch VCD d.. 'Tie Xian' ..Korean movie.. HEe.. ciaox! Whoever's reading.. take good care of yourself yea? Drink more water..Dun b lik me! k k.. ciaox~!

Ryan Cabrera - True

2004-12-11T05:55:00.000-08:00

True Lyrics
by Ryan Cabrera

I wont talk
I wont breathe
I wont move till you finally see
That you belong with me

You might think I dont look
But deep inside
In the corner of my mind
Im attached to you
Im weak
Its true
Cuz im afraid to know the awnsers
Do you want me too?
Cuz my heart keeps falling faster

I've waited all my life
To cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
Its time to try
Anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true

You dont know what you do
Everytime you walk into the room
Im afraid to move
Im weak
Its true
Im just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know u met me?

I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
Its time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited

This is true

I know when I go ill be on my way to you
The way thats true

I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
Its time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited

This is true

[ addicted ]

2004-12-11T05:02:00.000-08:00

whew! it's 4.54am now! jus came back!! hehe.. jus now.. around 10.30pm, went to KL to fetch muh cousin.. on the way there.. don't know what the heck am i thinking n tears rolled down my cheek.. thank goodness i'm sitting infront.. no one realised!!
then, came back and 1am went out yumcha.. stupid stupid stupid! what kinda service ? serve so slow.. need to order few times.. cis! and aunt kept on ask me to treat! whoa.. stupid service! grr! spent almost 1 hour there.. geram!!
then nevermind.. came back.. n 3am like that.. forced cousins bring me out yumcha again.. damn! i'm crazy! lol.. went the same place again.. lol.. sat n gossiped! weet! hahaha.. darn funny dei.. aihx.. still i can't sleep.. once i close my eyes.. i will start to imagine things.. things that might happened.. things that won't happened.. hmmm.. people don't know what it's like to be in my situation.. aihx.. and i can't stop missing him! every hour every minute every second.. aihx.. 5am liowz!! *bloated* lol.. keke.. k laa.. darn lazy to type d.. ciowz!

[ can't help it ]

2004-12-10T04:32:00.000-08:00

man.. here i am.. crying again.. tears flowing down as I'm typing.. maybe these days got too much tears d.. aihx.. sian yee, get a life! =X
wadeva lar! hm.. around 10pm jus now went modern wid yachin, yenteng, n cailing.. made yachin and cailing waited for 1 hour for both of us.. felt bad n treated lorh.. costed me RM29 .. then 12am came back n went to mamak again.. -_-" *sigh*
den came on9.. n out of sudden gets so e m o t i o n a l now.. i need shoulders now! i wanna cRy!!! oH no! i'm cryinGg but i need shoulders..arms..or whatever! frenss..where're u guys? today friday edi.. aihx.. thank gudness dad went up n slept d.. or else he'd be seein me crying! aihx.. n the worse part is..yesterdae he overheard my conversation wid yenteng(talked to her from 3am-5.30am).. den he asked mi..whu's the 'him'? i was lik..oh uh..im in deep shit! aihx..
i reli need a good cry now! wanna spill out everythingg.. release!! aihx.. kiez.. wana go upstairs n.. aihx.. k..ciaox..!

[ .. dot dot dot .. ]

2004-12-08T17:16:00.000-08:00

aih.. woke up at 3pm.. and.. was in a blur, so went into d bathroom n guess wad? i on da heater but there's no water??

ish!! tis is dumb dei! kay, so i brushed my teeth n came down. watched cousin play bejewelled and drank horlicks!

and still, no water..

hmmm, well.. can't help feeling sick! flu flu flu! i hate flu!! kept blowin my nose!!

gee.. k lerh.. wana go check out d heater d.. hopefully the water's clean (according to bro, the color it's *ew*).. ciaox!

[ .. in pain .. ]

2004-12-08T02:07:00.000-08:00

Well.. hmmm.. know what time i woke up? haha! 7PM dei~ yea yea.. sounds a bit crazy but it's true! lol.. had my dinner next door then followed cousins out.. reloaded my hp and went yumcha the roadside there. LOL. goshh! the teh o ice tasted lik shit..not nice dei~ hM.. came back laughed laughed laughed and went out agaIN to 7-11~ lol!! go buy vodka~ forced another cousin to treat me~ then again.. YUMCHA! lol!! arghh.. *sob* .. i guess..i'm ill again.. guess my kidney got prob d.. i kept wanted to pee and the place nearby kidney kept on pain.. lik last time.. :'( .. gosh.. seriously.. PAIN!! :x aihx.. shiTz.. again.. need to go toilEt! =X aihx.. anyway.. i don't know what's my point of living! someone, please tell me?? OMG.. pain again.. wana die off d laa.. yesterday nail pain.. and now.. tat kidney place is getting much more pain!!!!!!!!! haihx.. hm, i tink poyee left m'sia to hk adi~~ ^^ aihx.. i dont know why am i so saddddd!! >.< color="#ffcc00">dumB!! =.="

[ pissed [

2004-12-07T01:37:00.000-08:00

Finally i got to come online noww.. gee.. today woke at 1 sumtin.. dono why da hell my mum wake me also! and then i mopped the floor.. and aunt took over the pc lar! she played the bejewelled.. then after dat..dono whu play adi.. damn pissed dei.. can't even watch tv.. they booked it for PS2 adi..i was like laying on the sofa doing nothing.. lying down eating my bread.. bla bla and all those shit i did la! then really can't stand the boredom d.. i went straight up to my room n cried for boredom.. =X yeah.. i cried! so? so? so? dun give a damn dei! i turned on the radio with the volume almost max til downstairs can hear it! then i SCREAMED along!! phew~ feels better! =X hid inside my room for almost 2 or 3 hours ler.. then cousin all was lik shouting, asked me to come down cause wana go out for dinner d! dei pls lerh.. i dun wanna go! but hell wins, i mus go cause dad asked me to! so n so so.. went berkeley (kampung) to eat~ n came back, the same thing happened!! OMG.. this time, i'm really..cant stand anymoreee!! watched tv a while.. n felt bored.. went up 2 my room N it's my worlddd!!! radio's on!! played lotsa CD!! n guess wad? it's 1am now.. 1am, onli i get to play!!! damn! feel lik crying again.. what's wrong wit me? can i not cying? cis! im not that WEAKKKK~~!!! something's wrong with my eyes!! aihx!! anyway.. BOREDOM KILLS!! and.. nearli forgot.. GOSH!!.. neighbour's daughter run away from home! >.< color="#ccccff">i love satsu gou un!! lol.. dono whu leyy~ bwekx!!

[ pissed .. ]

2004-12-07T01:14:00.000-08:00

[ i'm so tired now .. ]

2004-12-05T16:39:00.000-08:00

gosh.. *sob* kinda tired now..
slept 4am and woke 10am.. slept for only 6 hours! not enough lerh~
yea.. WHY 10am?! grrr.. go tat place to accompany munyoke a.k.a sam!!
i go there suffer onli.. cis~ so hot.. and.. lyk so little people onli.. hahahaz~!
stayed there til 1pm i tinkz.. hMm.. aIhx.. thEn cAme back..
atE my kuEy teOw souP n playEd wit cousiE.. ^^
weNt nexT dOor plAy bejewelled~ GRRR.. can't beat my cousin's score!!
damn! then actually wana go klang parade oNe.. coZ i wan buy boOk.. but
couSin in laW got lioW..so diN go.. wAd a dAy? doNt noe wAD's wrong with mY stomacH..
kEep oN makIn thoSe 'kruuu kruuu' souNdx! >.<
aDuhAi~ boRed max max! mum keep on nag me.. ask mi wrap da bookz, clear the old books, whoa.. BUT.. i'm damn lazy dei~ how? hahahah..
Satsu Gou Un .. kimi no koishiteiru !!

[ tireD* ]

2004-12-05T03:17:00.000-08:00

hMMmMMm.. gosH.. dad..~ =X *sAd*
he slepT.. maDe mi kEnot go yUmchA..
cAnt c yEn tEnG.. =X
cAnt eAT.. cAnt tAlk..
Aihx.. dEad*~
juS noW beRpeD~ gOt d cArlsbErG smEll.. eW~!
yuCkiEx..! >.<>.< .. next year cant take also.. UNFAIR.. damn da government!! why changeee!?!?!
anyway.. shall sleep now lerh. 3.16am adi.. but.. reliiiii..miss someoneee~~ gosh.. im imagining thingsss..hahahahahx.. >.< krazi~~ciaox

[ Whew~ I'm still awake !! ]

2004-12-05T00:11:00.000-08:00

Gosh..today slept at 6am and woke up at 1pm something.. kekeke.. 7 hours sleepz.. great leh? hahahaz.. hMmm.. goSh.. den.. DADDDDDDD..he wants me to go to Kajang fer dinner lerhh~ so i FFK fernz they all lar.. GOSH.. feel damn bad.. kekekek... they had funnn thereee...without mi sumore... *sob*~~

K..so i went kajang lar.. da food was okay.. hMmm.. den.. GUESS wadddd? i drank 2 glass of carlsberg and 1++glass of red wine.. LOL.. im still awakeee.. ekekeke.. =P
hMmmm.. gosh..i need to go meet frenss.. desperatee leee.. need to talk talk gossip gossip so badlyyy..!! maybe later will go out yumcha wit yentengg.. ekekke.. see laa.. it's 12am now u know.. hahahahz!!

then tomorrow.. da fun fair in lasalle.. munyoke force me to go.. =X hehez.. den mus get up earlii.. wuuu~~~ *soB*!!! gee..n sumore im broke adi.. aihx..

[yawn*]

2004-12-04T06:01:00.000-08:00

How's the blog look like now? I changed the word "Abandoned" into "Spirit"..
And on d left side, da 'spirit' image, isit nice? LOL. Gosh, I've nth better to do.. Haha =P
Anyway 6am now
..Good nite!

[ happi oo.. ]

2004-12-03T01:53:00.000-08:00

Another..DAY, i'm still alive!! Hahahah.. Woke up 1pm..then went out for lunch.. After that, mum brought us to d old saloon we used to go. Brother n cousins need hair cut. Haha, I trimmed my hair too. Looks better now. Hehehe.. Came back.. continued onlinee~! Gosh.. nothing better to do.. Hehehe..Yesterday, did something.. Gosh.. really.. I felt stupid now.. Got too excited and did somethingg!! >.<
Hmmm.. just now, used the new bought "Air Belt" .. Haha, yikess! I kept on laugh when the thing vibrated me!! Laugh Laugh Laugh. According to them, once u put it on n vibrated, your waist will get smaller? LOL. More like, tummy ler. But I see no effects. Maybe I'm too fat, that is why! =P

Today I've got the mood to check my mail! 600+ mails!! Luckily, Yahoo! gave me 150MB more space~ ^^ Actually 100MB.. Now.. 250MB..~ lol.. Now checking my mail and chatting with Alwis.. Left 586 mails.. Darn lazy adi.. >.< Don't know why, but i'm glad..my mood's OK today! darn happy..for no reason!! ahahahz..

[ Another dae .. I'm still here .. ]

2004-12-01T19:16:00.000-08:00

Gosh.. yesterday right.. *sigh* weirdest day of all! Won't tell u why! U'll laugh your ass off! Gee.. Nevermind~ Well, yesterday around 11pm like that I was actually online. And U know what happened next?! BLACKOUT! *sob* Then went out yum cha luu.. Kekeke.. I forced dad go to the teluk pulai there.. Then really, we did! I asked Yen Teng out! Luckily, she can come out! But others, like cl, yc all can't come out! Shessh! Nvm lerh! Then, I saw.. Someone saw me there! Ks and gang!.. they're lame! K, enough! No more comment on this! Geez~! Went back n reached home bout 1am plus but still.. *dark*!!! Hmmm, electricity came around 2am, and straight away I came online.. Came online, what I did was.. serious talk, edited pictures, typed something, more like my thoughs and of course edited webbiex<- Chung Kiap helped me! He gets all d credit!Thanks oo!! >.<>.<>.< Friends.. They just don't care about me.. My existance.. *sigh* If I'm lost now.. Will they realise? They don't even realise! Hmmm.. ciaox

My beloved parents,
Friends i cherrished,
Those I love,
I guess they just don't understand me.

[ another boring day ]

2004-11-29T18:07:00.000-08:00

LOL.. guess wad? I edited my pic. Ghostly pic! Check it out~ New MOVIE entitled "SPIRIT". Hahahaha~ =P

[ felt stupid now . . ]

2004-11-29T03:09:00.000-08:00

Feeling stupid now! Typed more than 2000 characters, copied d whole thing cause blogspot ain't working! And at d same time, dl completed, went n CUT n paste! Gosh~ so what i copied earlier GONE!! -.-" *sob* Guess I must retype? -.-" Nevermind, I've lotsa time! =P 1..2..3 Let's Get Startin'!
Today's different! This morning woke up at 9.30am! Keke. Yeah, not 5pm~! Took my bath, brushed my teeth n went Sg. Buloh for breakfast/lunch! -.-" Don't ask me why so far. Dad's friend treated k? LOL. With his neighbours too. Kay, this is getting weird! Nevermind! -.-" Went there to eat Bak Kut Teh and some other food. One word, HOT! Yea! And I'm wearing t-shirt n long pants! Gosh, should have worn sleeveless n shorts! -.-" Aihx. Then, after that drove around there, stopped by and there to have a look at the flowers and grasses. LOL. They wanted to buy flowers! When we go to the second place to look around, some of us went into the Mini Zoo (Most:Cat and Birds) . Guess what? It RAINED!!!..heavily!! *sob* Stucked at the place for half an hour! At last, went into the car! pHew~! Guess another time? Dad's mad! He wanted to buy orchids! Ouh~! -.-" It was still raining, heavily!! Then, so here we go again, into the orchids' place! Keke. Never experienced this before! Bet u never experience this before too!! Took the umbrella, walked around n have a look at the orchids! Keke, yeap! Under the rain, with the umbrella, admiring those flowers~ Although soaked but it's like quite relaxing n nice feeling! Keke =P It's like, I'm in love with the nature! Felt like walking under the rain without umbrella, and jump around with the flowers~ =P Gosh~! Keke. And of course i chose one miserable orchid. Haha. Yea, after choosing, went back d~! Finally reached home at 3pm something!! HOME-SWEET-HOME! Keke, went online again~! =P Did something ler~! Then after that as usual, went n took my bath! =P Continued online again~ LOL Then went mamak for DINNER! Keke. Yeah, mamak! Had one plate of nasi lemak! And other people's food too~ Keke. =P Hmmm, went back n showered again! Can't stand the oilyness =P Then HoHoHo~! I coloured my nail, again.. This time.. Thumb's colourful (orange,yellow,white,purple) with the word 'yee 08' . keke. Then the other four in black colour! Total black! Like ghost~~ ;)

-Thumb-

Hrmmm, then after that came online again! Ouh I'm lifeless! Wanna know what lifeless people always do? LOL. Taking pictures and edit them! Hey! I really did okay? Show u. This is one of those i took few days ago. =P And of course i edited it.

This is edited by Zee Hui =P like album cover one.

LOL. Which is nicer? HAHA. =P Man! Yipppeee~! Finally got to know what song is that!! Savage Garden - I knew I loved you! LOL. Weeeee~~ =P Currently addicted/searching for love songs! U guys who are reading my entry right now, if you've any nice love songs in ur mind, please tell me k? Message me through MSN. Or maybe leave a message in the chatterbox! Thanks yea! Luv uu!! Keke. *hUggiEs* Haha~ I'm bored! Boredom kills~! Plus, people nowadays often abandoned/ignored/isolated me! Sob! That's exactly how i feel now! How sad?! Gosh, chatting with a guy now. Gibson. LOL. He said I've sweet lips. And I smile sweetly~ Now sending him my pics. Gosh.. sending pic to strangers! This is madness! >.< color="#330099">Britney Rocks!

She's hot!! Yeah!

Uh-huh~!! Hahaha~ Hmmm, chatting with PY. Why must we girls always 'sunk' in the love ship? I really don't understand! *sigH* Keke. Here's my cousie brother.. LOL.. =P

yawn*yawn*yawn* LOLx.

K.. ciaox..

[ Another post ]

2004-11-28T03:55:00.000-08:00

Hey there! Another post! Hmmm, gosh.. I guess I'll be waking up 4 or 5pm everyday! Hmmm, it's 3.21am now. LOL. nice number! Yea, I'm still awake! Hee! Yea, waiting for my downloads to complete, and I'm sending 'My Prerogative' to Beatrice. :). Aw, switched off my hp. But when I switched it on, there's this number keep miscalling me. Um, Johor number. Not too sure who's that. But who cares? Then Zs called me. Talked a while. Gosh, maximum boredom! =X Before this, woke up 4.30pm! And just ate those kuih my mum bought earlier! *starved*- Waited for aunt to cook, and ate one big bowl!! LOLx. Hmmm, later 10am need to get up. As dad says, we're going Sg. Buloh for breakfast? Um, weird~ :P Gosh, here he/she comes again. The Johor number, calls and hang up! 0177299362. Who could it be? Lol.
------------------------------------------
Britney Spears
I've Just Begun (Having My Fun)

Here is a little story that I made up
So Let's make believe
Four years ago I had a party
that was too much fun for me
Boy there's a sexy guy
He'd surely give me everything I need
Sometimes I let temptation go too far
and get the best of me
All I gotta say is
I just wanna have some fun
And I'll do it until I'm done
I'm telling you
I'm just a crazy kind of girl
I'll tell it to the world
I've just begun having my fun
Inside me there's something I found
I wanna shop around
I just begun
Don't wanna settle down
The conversation was going over 'til I turned my hair
He started touching me and kissing me
Like he didn't care
I thought at first I should go home
But then fell asleep in the chair
All I gotta say is
I just wanna have some fun
And I'll do it until I'm done
I'm telling you
I'm just a crazy kind of girl
I'll tell it to the world
I've just begun having my fun
Inside me there's something I found
I wanna shop around
I just begun
Don't wanna settle down
I'm just a crazy kind of girl
I'll tell it to the world
I've just begun having my fun
Inside me there's something I found
I wanna shop around
I just begun
Don't wanna settle down
I just wanna have a good time
I just wanna be myself
And don't let anybody tell you it's any differantly
I wanna enjoy the sunshine
And do the things that I need
To see what feels good to me
I'm just so crazy
I'm just a crazy kind of girl
I'll tell it to the world
I've just begun having my fun
Inside me there's something I found
I wanna shop around
I just begun
Don't wanna settle down
I just begun
I just begun
having my fun
I just begun
Having my fun, yeah

-----------------------------------------
yea. never ending boredom! keke. well, cancelled the file to beatrice :P
wana sleep adi? uhm, will try. k. good nyte ba!
. [b]L[a]c[k] 'n' w[h]i[t]e , m[y] w[o]r[l]d .

['Miss Screw Up Everything']

2004-11-27T02:38:00.000-08:00

I don't know what's with me. Promises made by myself, are all broken! I promised myself to be happy, to stay away from sadness, stay away from troubles, be a happy-go-lucky person! But i guess i just can't! Gosh! Just now was browsing through Friendster, the bulletin board. I saw a few that made me realised what kind of person I am. I guess I'm those who only care about myself. My friends-I don't really care about them. I don't cherish them when they're close to me. For example, there're lots in my mind now. I even backstabbed them? Ok, it might be a truth about them, but shouldn't I just keep quiet and not talk behind them? Yeah, I'm dangerous. Don't mix with me. And, please don't ever trust me with your secrets. You might not know. . I might spill it out for fun sake or maybe accidentally. Sheesh, I don't know. Just DON'T TRUST ME!! I beg u! Not forgetting, I always made people feeling worse. Imagine that, they're going through something bad and here I am to make it worse by spilling something that might hurt theirs. I always wanted people to cheer me up, but I'll never satisfy. When someone else needs me to cheer them up, I'm like a dummy, stood right there not knowing what to do. Friends, friends, friends, they treat me sincerely, and me? I totally screw it up! So, what's this about? My life! Yeah, fucked up life, and with this fucked up person like me. . I felt, sometimes I'm wearing a mask to face the others. I'm sad inside, but I actually laughed? In my mind was saying "yucks" but i said it's nice? I really don't know what's with me nowadays! Last time, I don't have this kinda weird feeling inside me. For example, when my aunt tells me something, I'll jus nod and believe it(take it the positive way). But now? Fuck it man! I'm a total freak! When aunt tells me something, I'll be like Uh huh ya right or maybe So? or maybe No big deal man!. I really want to get back the old me. The one who can enjoy life without worrying anything at all! Gosh, I guess Ya Chin;s right. I'm changing. Changing into a devilish me. The one who don't give a damn about others. The one who hurts others without even realising it. Gosh. . I'm beginning to hate myself! Can I either grow faster or back to my childhood? I don't want to be stuck in the middle here! Like the Britney's song, I'm not a girl, not yet a woman. Man!! Urgh! >.< Frust! I really wish, someone could come up to me and tell me what kinda person I am and scold me for what I'm changing into. Maybe. . as time goes, I'll get better? Ouhx, I really don't know! This holiday, 1 month's over and I haven't even start revising. Total loser. SY u sux! Yes, U R 'Miss Total Screw Up Everything'! Congrats! *Applause*

[lots lots to talk]

2004-11-26T18:52:00.000-08:00

hrmmm.. on wednesday.. 24Nov, i skipped tuition.. went midv with yibin, cailing, yachin and yenteng. gosh. reli had a great time dat dae! hrm.. in midv, buy buy buy things time. they went to a stall to buaix the furry keychainz. den horz. the salesman darn funny. talk lik naying one. quite cute actually. lolx. and cailing pretended as him. sounds same same nee. urm. den. around 7pm sumtin reach klang back. me, yibin n cailing went over to fernfern's hse to eat. LOL. omg. crazy dei! v took pics lorh. den lik tat la. keep on laughed nee. keke. den. around 10sumtin went mamak yumcha, gathered back (yt,yc,yb,cl,me,ff and yt's sis). lolx. gosh. we're da loudest i guess? laughed kaokao ler. haha. hrm. fun fun. =P
-----------------------------////end////----------------------------
den.. yesterdae nth ler. woke up at 5pm. ahaha. lolx yeap. 5pm.
crazy shit ler. ahaha.
gosh. aihx.
-------------------------------------------//end//----
today ryte.. woke up at 2pm.. aihx.. den ok ok la.. mood ok ok.. but den.. jus now.. someone spoilt it. aihx.. it sounds real..but is it real? gosh..i reli dont noe.. thankss.. thankss for those whu supported mi.. those who comforted me.. especially zeehui.. :) big huggies fer u! *huGGs* ouchz.. donoler..true? :x
*/.*wHy.mUx.gOd.dO.tIs.2.mE.?*/.
*hOw.2.dIffeRentIatE.bEtwEen.fAkez.n.tRutHz.?*/.*aDdiCteD.2.pAin.n.luRv.dA.sAme.tImEz./.*~

[ im lifeless again ]

2004-11-21T01:43:00.000-08:00

MAN! im laughing for no reason again!! AHAHAAHHA.. ishhh.. i onlined 8 hours d.. still haven offline! GREAT lehhhhh? OHMIGOsH.. crazy!!!!! psycho..!! today so 'kek tong' one me!!! aihxxx.. hot tempered jorrr.. LOL.. n hungry noww!! took down the top on the forbidden city discs but didnt watch also.. craziness!!! GOSH!!! sien!!! msg that fella.. that fella don wan reply.. msg other fellows.. they tak faham bahasa!! msg otherss.. they bore me to death!!! go to hell mannn!!! sick!!!

Green Day - Boulevard Of Broken Dreams

2004-11-20T21:08:00.000-08:00

Green Day
Boulevard Of Broken Dreams
I walk a lonely road
The only one I that have ever known
Don't know were it goes
But its home and I walk alone
I walk this empty street
On the boulevard of broken dreams
Were the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone
My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find
Till then I'll walk alone
Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahh
Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahh
I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line of the edge
And were I walk alone
Read between the lines of what's
Fucked up and every things all right
Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive
And I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...
My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find
Till then I'll walk alone
Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahh
Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahh
I walk this empty street
On the boulevard of broken dreams
Were the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a..
My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find
Till then I'll walk away!

[ dono wad's wif me ]

2004-11-20T01:09:00.000-08:00

i'm DAMN DAMN ANGRYYYYY!!!!!!! but i don't know why! haihx. this feeling sux! gosh! seriously.. i'm gonna smack this fella upside down if i know who's he! 0163976603!! go to hell mann!!! wad da fuck u wan from me? msg u but no reply. keeps on miscalling me! hope u burn in hell mannn!!! OMG wads wif me!? cursing ppl~! :x
sheesh~ seriously.. do i know how to care for people? DO I? i want to care for people, but can i? I CAN'T!! gosh..i sux!!
Hrmmm.. no more choir this year!! *soB* thAt dAe pErfoRmance me, jh n jo took this pic.~ =P

Guess wad i did whole day? printing pictures.. omg.. crazy edi.. yesss!! ohhhhh fck!!!! dono wad to write d...!!!! -_-" LANGCHENGGG MAN!!!! sian yeeeee calm downnn!!! who's here to mend my broken heart?

I'd do anything
Just to hold you in my arms
To try to make you laugh
Cause somehow I can't
Put you in the past
I'd do anything
Just to fall asleep with you
Will you remember me
Cause I know I won't forget you

Goshh!!! Ahahahhahahazzz..i'm going crazyyy mannn!!!! -__-" I'm tryin' to forget that. I'm addicted to you. But I want it. And I need it. I'm addicted to you. Now it's over. Can't forget what you said. And I never. Wanna do this again. Heartbreaker. Heartbreaker. hAhA.. Gosh!! siowness!!! Love is only a feeling. And we've got to stop ourselves believing. 'Cos love is only a feeling!!!!! I'm crazzyyy~~! kay larhhh.. ciaox.. enuf of crapz.. omg why my heartbeats gettin fasterr?? :x aihx.. breatheless man!!! :x

[ as usual ]

2004-11-17T04:42:00.000-08:00

omG.. my face!!.. skin's peeling off.. i look as though someone who did plastic surgery but was a fail~ -_-" chehz.. stupid sunburn! aihx. yesterdae woke ..ate lunch den went to joanne's house d. she taught me da songs but stil blur. went hinhua for rehearsal and gosh! i still dont know how to come in on time! aiks.. dead larh..today's da real one.! ouchz.. shit man! :x gonna b super blur. n got sorethroat now. aihx. jus now. had these veri good chats with some net friends. well, yeah. talked bout my life! and of course, a pretty fucked-up one. now i'm thinking about this. i always think that my friends don't care, my friends don't understand, my friends don't bother about me. well. they said those r bullshit! they said im sensitive. um, yes i might be. but, who really really treated me as close friends. share ups n downs. be there for me. care about me. understand me well. think from my side. OH NO..no one! aihx. when i'm sad, i can't find anyone to talk to! where the hell's my friend? yeah yea yeah. maybe some "do" care. i tried calling ppl up n talk. but i just dont get the right person? when i talk about the guy i like, some really don't care. some don't give a damn coz they dun understand what shit m i talking about! it's like hello i'm feel so fucked up now can u comfort me? . Gosh i guess they won't. and i can't keep bothering the same person. he/she will think i'm 'fan'.. yes, i can feel that man! i'm fan! so? yea. i dun deserve anything better! parentss..! i simply needed jus abit of freedom~ why am i so isolated from reality? gosh! i'm 16! a high school student man! guess im still a baby for them. E-HA-HA i'm just a kid! and life's a nightmare~! da da da da. i live in darkness man! *sigh* reli feel lik crying now. i felt i'm darn useless. i can't get those i love. those i don't lik, why r they coming to me? man!!!! i'm a total loser!! love someone who don't love u at all <-- lame ass ler! yea. lame! yea. dumb! yea. silly! gosh! wth? :x freedom arh freedom..i really n luv wif u..when r u comin to me! countable man, in 2 months, how many times i've gone out to malls! :x chiz.. alays stay at home online..lifeless dei! i must really get myself out of this! stop myself from loving someone. stop myself from onlining. get myself to study. BUTTT can i? A-HA-HA-HA i just can't! u know tak guna? yes..im useless! OUHHHHHH!! FREAAAKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.. i'm feeling so numb todayyy!!! i need to be cured mannnn!!!

[ finally, i'm back homeee~ ]

2004-11-15T17:04:00.000-08:00

I'm back from gh~! haix.. man~ guess wad? the first day i went there.. flu attacked me~ kept using the tissue and toilet roll to blow my nose~! grrr~! then, that saturday what we did was jus to the indoor theme and then gamble in the apartment~ aihx.. lifeless eh~ then the next day, went outdoor! wah, it was raining~! cousins n i queued up for the solero thingy under the rain. i'm sick yet go crazy with them~! stupid weather keep on rain, at last onli played few things onlee~ isk wasted money n energy~! Then when go back to the apartment, my face turned red, real red that type. Then plus i drank bit of red wine, they thought i was drunk. But actually its sunburn! LOL. heeyaa..then fever came back to me~!! Hrmm, and today i'm backkkk!! yay~! i love home!! HAIH----
sien again~ tml got rehearsal for choir thingy. and i still don't know how to sing?!? gosh, im dead man!! plus my flu haven't okay. really hate flu! hate my nose!! HATE HATE HATE!!

[ darn! ]

2004-11-13T04:19:00.000-08:00

TMLLLLLLLL.. oh NO.. later.. I"LL BE GOING GENTINGGG!!! omgggg.. no one to pui me!!!!! SOB~~~ aihx.. ahahahh..nevamindddd..today quite satisfied wif my lifeee mannn!! LOL.. tml bored againzz..dadadada~~ alaalala~~ :) will b back on mondayz.. dun miss me

[ sob sob ]

2004-11-12T20:33:00.000-08:00

*siGghH* guess wad? i'm sick again!! yesterday the worst man! feeling hot and cold at the same time~! HAHA. but still went 1 u and walked. GrRr. bought tat longsleeve white for next week's choir thingy. n i think it looks like for those old old people wear onez~! Hrmmm, well mum said it's not and it looks nice on me. so. -_-"
KEKE. i lose my voice. yes. LOSE MY VOICE! waikxxx.. i'm recovering but my voice is GONE?! iskk! no way man! i must recover 100% by monday! Hopefully i will! Hmmm, and tomorrow I'm off to Genting, again~ *sob* Will be back on Monday! *sigh* Three days there without going online! Not too sure I'll be able to survive a not! Anyone? Who's going too? SAVE me! :(
Hrmmm, What's love? Is it something meant forever or just a minute n so? HAHA. gosh X)
I got my "Top On The Forbidden City" liao! YAY YAY! Gonna finish off the last disc of "Summer Scent" and continue watching "Top On The Forbidden City". Haihx. I'm lifeless eh? Nevermind~ LOL. Any tips for me? On how to forget someone? To get over someone? Any tips? I really need to seek for help now, MAN! Buahahahah! OMG.. tell u guys something.. JR's CUTE! Muahahahahhaz!!

Top On The Forbidden City

Qing Tian (JR from K-ONE) and Xiao Ying (Joanne from Sweety)

[ .. gao xing .. ]

2004-11-09T23:40:00.000-08:00

B o R e D . n O w !
Q u I t E . h A p P y . t O d A y !
s H a L L . o F f L i N e . n O w ~
n O t H i N g . w O r T h . s T a Y i N g . oN l i N e ~
n I t E .

[ ~.~ ]

2004-11-09T21:51:00.000-08:00

HOHOHO.. wee~ im happy ! just now asked quite a few people.. They said when your left eye 'jump', it means something good will be happening. If it's right eye, it'll be the opposite! Well well well~ my left one had been 'jumping' since Saturday! So? What is this suppose to mean? HOHO, i'm waiting. Something good, please happen quickly! I'm waitinggg~~ LOL~ Finshed dining and now, I'm sleepy. It's 9.50pm now, and i'm sleepy~ Felt like sleeping! Haix~ I'm going to be a big fat pig soon man!!! Chiz..!! Kay.. adios!!

[ freakkkkkk!!!! ]

2004-11-09T19:30:00.000-08:00

Oh my goodness!!! WHAT's with my LEFT eye? In cantonese, there's this saying "zo hong yao kat".. Mine is left.. And it keeps on 'jumping' these few days.. Something is going to happen!! WHat's that?! Tell me man!! Whoa, it's 'jumping' again!! I really feel like taking the left ones out! Oh my gawd, i sense something bad.. But when and what?! It never 'jump' these long before!! Now it's 'jumping' continuously! Hello LEFT eye! *knock knock* What do u want from me?! Grrr!! *Sigh* Today woke up early~ Around 8am.. coz got choir practice! omg, i'm still blur in tat 'carmen' song!! OUH~ Blaaaa.. And this Saturday I'll be going OFF to GENTING!! *sob* Hope someone will go there this weekend. Anyone? Going? Whoever's going, please give me a call, will ya? I really need accompanion!! Sheesh!! >"< dEad bOreD!! gRrR~~ doi~ i'm bored! I'm chatting with frens now~ gosh.. dinner soon! ciaox..! Oh btw, can't believe it man! My brother got his UPSR result..and it's 5A's????? Noway man!!! ISkk..hahaha.. newayx.. k..ciaox

[ i'm still energetic ]

2004-11-08T01:21:00.000-08:00

Whoa.. i tell u.. i can go crazy any minute any time.. what da hell is with me now? i should be sleeping, relaxing this holiday! but.. i did the opposite way! Hrmmm.. the night before this i can't sleep at all! locked up in the room trying to sleep.. as clock strucked 3 in da morning, there i was, still awake! rolled left and right, still not able to sleep. I'd been wondering a lot. I don't really need to get what I wanted earlier. What I want is to know what's happening to him. Oh yeah, so there i was thinking and thinking, missing and missing. CRAPS man! Tong Tong Tong Tong! 4 a.m~ still awake. Look in the darkness and saw his vision. Oh bloody shit! No way man! Kay maybe i should get going with my story. So i slept at 7 in the morning and woke up at 10 something. Um, i slept only for 3 hours?!? Yeah, three hours~ After that, went Wan Utama with py n cy. Walked whole day man! Had my dinner there too. In fact, i treated them. And it's in TGI FRIDAY , i'm broke, yeah, BROKE! HAHA~ According to py, after my drink, I'll be drunk and will be able to sleep soundly tonight. LOL. This doesn't work okay! Incredible sian yee! You're still awake now! Still so.. ENERGETIC?! great job! And later around 8.45am, u've got choir?! aww, great~! Wth is with me?! And after my shower, my leg and hand's itchy and warmy~ wow, maybe it's working. Haixh! Jus don't know! Let's try sleeping now! Should I? LOL. I'm a great loser. Great failure. Bla Bla Bla Bla Bla~

[ argh.. siao jor ]

2004-11-05T19:10:00.000-08:00

Ha-ha. Err. [6.28pm] now. Guess what? I just mopped the floor!! - surprise huh? Ha-ha. Well, I really had fun mopping the floor. Oh my god! I’m enjoying? Hmmm, must be something with me! Ha-ha~ Oh, today I woke up at 3 something? Uh-huh, yes 3pm~ Ha-Ha. . Oh my, I can’t stop laughing now. Let me tell you what happened last night, or should I correct it, it’s this morning. Yeah, so what happened this morning? About 3 or 4am, I’m bored. So in coincidence, Chung Kiap came online. He mentioned about Sern Kiat, so I came up with an idea to play him, oh no, fool him! Ha-Ha. Yeah I’m lifeless! Guess what we did? Um, he invited me into their chat box in MSN. So, I pretended as Chung Kiap’s girlfriend and I was in love with Sern Kiat.  Yeah, bullshit! Ha-Ha okay continue. Then, so I started telling SK that I saw him the other day nearby Warnet. And, CK accidentally told him I’m Sian Yee. Ha-Ha. So we came up with a stupid lie that CK actually loves Sian Yee more than Ruey Yee (“me”). Oh my, then when CK pretended to go to the toilet, I told SK I like him. I wanted to tell him how I felt for him since the day I met him. How I know SK? Yeah, that’s the point. CK asked me to tell him that I’m ‘Jolin’ from Counter Strike. LOL. Then, there SK is, kept asking about CS. And there Sian Yee is so blur, not knowing anything about CS. So CK gave me some knowledge about CS. But, I’m smart, of course I change the topic before he started all these questions. On the other side, SK was investigating me (Sian Yee) by chatting with me (SY) in ICQ. Ha-Ha. But never mind, I continued lying. So the moment I’ve waited finally came! SK told CK that Ruey Yee likes him. So CK was like darn angry. Okay! He pretended angry! And so he came into the chat box once again and asked for break up and left! This is the time to talk 1 to 1 with SK!! I told him I like him. Then he asked me where am i? I said I was in my friend’s house. I said I can’t stop missing him since the day I met him. And he started the CS question again, so I said “I really don’t want to talk about this now”. I asked him whether I can see him. Then he said maybe someday in Warnet. So, I said “Not meet in warnet. I mean go for a date. Can we?” LOL. So he said he was too young for me. And of course I’m darn tension! I went and ask CK how old is ‘jolin’. He told me around my age one. So I said, “You young? You mean I’m too young for you? Is it?” then, he said no. And he asked me for my icq number, friendster address, etc. But I told him I forgot and will add him a.s.a.p.. and so this ended! LOL. When he dc, I straight away create new icq number, friendster account and etc. HAHA! Gosh, I’m going crazy. And when I finished everything. It’s already 5am plus. So I went and sleep! Yes, sleep! And I can sleep! Maybe I had too much of fun. That’s why not much thinking can be made! Ha-ha! Oh yeah, shall continue the next time! Hmmm, I’m sure SK is starting to believe what me n CK were doing last night. LOL. Good work! -_-“ maybe tomorrow I’ll do the same also. To kill my time! Kill my boredom!! Someone, olease save me! I’m getting more and more lifeless nowadays! *sigh* Guess what happened yesterday night. Mum didn’t let me join my friend for dinner after tuition, so I started the cold war with them. I’ve got so many good points why should I go. But, what to do? I’ll have to just keep in my heart. Hmmm. Okay. No more of this nonsense! I must live happily! I’m happy! Yes! Hehe. Just now before mopping, I was watching my ‘Summer Scent’ again. *sigh* How I wish that there’s really this thing in reality, happen to me. But, nah~ it’s impossible! Teehee! Hey! I’m really relaxing today! No more worries! LOL! That’s sian yee! I’m back man!!

[ never ending pain ]

2004-11-04T13:48:00.000-08:00

[1.42pm] now.. haix.. wad's wit luv? i see from many.. luv brings us pain and torture.. now my friend's in pain.. hope tat time will pass a.s.a.p so that the memories will fade away.. BE STRONG GURL!! haix.. some guys.. they're just .. !@#$%^#$ .. dumb.. care fer their own feeling onlix.. gee.. no comment adi.. haihx.. but i do believe that each of us here have our own soulmate.. it's time who will bring us to them.. jus let it comes naturally..goes naturally.. wth m i talking? got tuition later! ciaox.!

[ xXx xXx xXx ]

2004-11-03T23:16:00.000-08:00

Hrmmmm.. I'm bored. So, pasted these!! HAHA.. i find these quite true!! Not quite true, but extremely true!! HAHA.. =P GUYS.. GUYS.. Read this!! =}

1. When a girl says she's sad, but she isn't
crying, it means she's crying in her heart.
2. When she ignores you after you've done
something wrong, it's best to give her some
time to cool down before touching her heart
with an apology.
3. A girl can't find anything to hate about the
guy she loves (which is why it is so hard for
her to 'get over him' after the relationship's
over.)
4. If a girl loves a guy, he will always be on
her mind every minute of the day, even though
she flirts with other guys.
5. When the guy she likes smiles and stares
deep into her eyes, she will melt.
6. A girl likes to hear compliments, but usually
is not sure how to react to them.
7. When a particular guy flirts with a girl very
often, a girl would start thinking the guy likes
her. So if you treat a girl just as a friend, go
easy on the smiles and stare ok?
8. If you don't like a girl who likes you, break
it to her gently.
9. If a girl starts avoiding you after you reject
her, leave her alone for a while. If you still
treat her as a friend, talk to her.
10. Girls enjoy talking about what they feel.
Music, poetry, drawings and writing are ways of
expressing themselves (which explains why
most girls like writing journals).
11. Never tell a girl that she is useless in
anyway.
12. Being too serious can turn a girl off.
13. When the guy she likes calls her for the
first time, the girl may act uninterested during
the call. But as soon as the phone is back on
the hook, she will whoop with joy and
immediately start telephoning her friends to
spread the news.
14. A smile means a lot to a girl.
15. If you like a girl, try making friends with her
first. Let her get to know you.
16. If a girl says she can't go out with you
because she has to study, leave.
17. But if she still calls you or expect a call from
you, stay.
18. Don't try to guess a girl's feelings. Ask her.
19. Hearing the words "I love you" is a great
reassurance to a girl that she is beautiful.
20. After a girl falls in love with a guy, she'll
wonder why she never noticed him before.
21. If you need tips on how to flirt with a girl,
read romance stories.
22. When class pictures come out, a girl would
first check who is standing next to her crush
before actually looking at herself.
23. A girl's ex-crush will always be in her
memory, but the guy she loves now stays in
her heart.
24. Girls love having fun!
25. A simple 'Hi' can brighten a girl's day.
26. A girl's best friends usually know best what
she is feeling and going through.
27. Girls hate it when a guy pays attention to
them just to get close to their 'prettier' friend.
28. Love means devotion, caring and
happiness to a girl, in that order.
29. Some girls care about looks, some care
about brains, but ALL girls want a guy who will
love and care for them.
30. Girls want nothing more than to feel loved.

Hahaha.. yeah..i'm bored.. so there's more!!! Well, this is about one girl and a guy.. They played dating game.. and.. haihx.. sob.. sad!!

The Dating Game"...
Daniel and Jasmine are
sitting alone in
the park
one night....
Daniel: I guess we are the left overs in this
world
Jasmine: I think so...All of my friends have
boyfriends and we are only the 2 persons left in
this world with out any special person in our life
Daniel: Yup I don't know what to do
Jasmine: I know! We'll play a game
Daniel: What game?
Jasmine: i'll be your girl friend for 30 days and
you
will be my boy friend
Daniel: That's a great plan in fact i don't have
nothing to do much this following weeks...

DAY 1:

They watch their first movie and they both touched
in a romantic film

DAY 4:

They went to the beach and have a picnic...Daniel
and Jasmine have their quality time together

DAY 12:

Daniel invited Jasmine to a circus and they ride
on a Horror House....Jasmine was scared and
she touched Daniel's hand but she touched
someone else's hand and they both laughed...

DAY 15:

They saw a fortune teller down the road and they
asked for their future advice and the fortune
teller
said: "My darling, Please don't waste the time of
your life...SPend the rest of your time together
happily" Then tears flow out from the teller's
eyes

DAY 20:

Jasmine invited Daniel to go to the hill and they
saw a meteor...Jasmine mumbled something

DAY 28:

They sat on the bus and because of a bumby road
Jasmine gave her first kiss to Daniel by accident

DAY 29:

11:37pm

Jasmine and Daniel sat in the park where they
first decided to play this game...

Daniel: I'm tired Jasmine...Do you want any
drinks? I'll buy you one.. I'll just go down the
road

Jasmine: Apple Juice that's all

Daniel: Wait for me....

20mins later... a stranger approached Jasmine

Stranger: Are you a friend of Daniel?

Jasmine: Why yes? What happened?

Stranger: A reckless drunken driver ran over
daniel and he is critical in the hospital

11:57pm

The doctor went out of the emergency room and
he handed out an apple juice and a letter

Doctor: We found this in daniel's pocket

Jasmine reads the letter and it says:

Jasmine, This past few days, i realized you are a
really cute girl and i am really falling for
you..Your
cherish smile your everything when we played this
game..... Before this game would end...I would
like you to be my girl friend for the rest of my
life....
I love you Jasmine....

Jasmine crumples the paper and shouted:

"Daniel ! i don't want you to die... I love
you...Remember that night when we saw a
meteor, I mumbled something... I mumbled that I
wish we would be together forever and never end
this game. Please don't leave me Daniel.... I love
you! You cannot do this to me!"

Then the clock strikes 12

Daniel's heart stop pumping

THEN IT WAS THE 30TH DAY

Always love your loved ones and show them how
you feel before it is too late...You will never
know
when they will be gone from your embrace...If you
were given a time to bestow petals of everlasting
compassion and love to your loved ones? Today
is the day....Love them while they are still
here...

Haih.. tell someone u luv b4 it's too late kay? dun regret da last min.. i was thinking just now.. if i were to die.. and i didn't tell someone whom i love i love him.. wah.. i'll die unpeacefully.. hopefully, everything is not left undone when i'm dead.. i don't want to die.. suddenly, i'm sked of death!! haihxx.. i'm a coward!!! -_-"

[ . . . . s o b . . . . ]

2004-11-03T19:40:00.000-08:00

hAihx.. whAts wit tis wOrlD huH? kAix got bRain tuMor.. -_-" hRmm.. hoPe he'll recover a.s.a.p!! hRmM.. hAihxx.. haih.. today i skipped asiah's class... i think i won't be going anymore this month! thEn.. AftEr lunCh, i wEnt n zZz.. suDDenli py called me..asking me why didn't reply her msg~ =X omG.. someonE hacked my mSn!! goSh.. cAn't bE.. hAihx.. who coulD it bE? nOOOOOooo..dun hack anymoRe! i chANge d pAss d..! no moRe hAckin!! >"< HAh.. then.. got physic and chemistry class.. haiyaa.. i wanna die liow.. guess wudd... the old me is back! once i close my eyes, i see him . haihx. him him him him! wth? i thought i got over him liowz? goSh.. nEva MinD.. i gOt 2 monThs holidAy to neutralize my feeling..lol!! eheheh.. aiyak..better go and eat first!! >"<

[ insanity ]

2004-11-02T23:23:00.000-08:00

oh my god.. lolz.. im going crazy.. believe a not.. i watched 9 cds yesterdae.. slept 4am this morning.. and.. woke up after 3 hours!! haihxx.. hahahaha.. gee.. then got choir practice lorhh.. well.. sang lik dono what nia.. after dat.. went back to mgs KD to makan!!! lolz.. walk there -_-" yeah.. panas!!!! hahaha.. haiyoyo.. hrmmm.. den.. donolarhh.. after that.. around 2 or 3.. i wanna sleep larh..but can't.. dono whats with me!! heeeeyaahh!! eyes swollen like vampire edi still can't sleep!! akakaka.. then i kacau py!! mauhahaha.. omg.. she fed up wif me edi.. haiyahh.. -_-" tak aperr.. dennnn.. nevermind larhh.. 5 like that.. OMG!! wei zhen cALLED ME!!! muahahaha this guy lerhh..he's from perak.. hrmmm.. well.. las time, according to my cousin, he wanna kau me..lolz.. wert lerh.. perak..and..expected me to couple? hrmm.. >"<>"<>"< kiE.. but.. tml..shit.. i'll b exhausted!! tml's my grandma's death anniversary..so got something on la.. morning i've got asiah and then come back..got that lorh..den afternoon sunita??!! HEEYA.. shit.. dead larh me.. gonna doze off in da class!! how i wish i could stop the time .. or maybe reverse it!!! coz.. many things are left undone!! omgg.. haihxx.. crappy de me!! die die die.. nvm larh.. still got timeee!! weeegagag!! ciaox

[ lifelessss!!!!!!!]

2004-11-01T23:00:00.000-08:00

hEeeeyaaa~!! hahahaha today whole day.. i watched the tv series ya noe? lolz.. summer scent!! (yuan wei xia tian) hmmmm.. and watched from disc 1 to disc 5.. haha.. when disc 5 time, i cried!!! HAIH.. donolaaaa.. so sad lo.. i out myself in that gurl's situation..n i cried.. to help the guy she likes to couple with some other gurl.. my gawddd!! HURTTT to d max laaa!!! wth larh.. haihxx.. n dad's asking me to offline nowww.. so.. ciaoxx!!!

[ novemba first ]

2004-11-01T01:26:00.000-08:00

Oh my gawd.. this is nice!! Never Get Into A Love When U Meant To Break A Heart... Never Look Into Eyes When You Meant To Lie... Promise Are Meant To Be Kept... Wishes Are Onli Meant To Be Fulfilled... Scars Will Never Heal... Hearts Are Not Meant To Be Played With... Lies Are Onli Meant To Hurt.. And Sorry Is NOTHING But A Word if u don mean it! Hrmm. well , i'm blood-feeding those mosquitoes now!!! wth?! nooooo.. maybe shud go n sleep now! dad caught me~ lolz.. must act kuai abit now.. hahahahha.. newayz! here comes november! time to study d!! yesss!! kah yao sian yeee!! >"<

[ i am going crazy - need cure ]

2004-10-31T06:17:00.000-08:00

alooo~ i'm back. believe it or i'm still awake! it's 6.11am now! hell! i can't sleep! so i'm back here to blog. just posted few things on the bulletin boards. then, used photoshop and drew the word 'shadow' , save it, and upload onto friendster pic. muahaha X) i'm equalance to pshycho. wegagagaga. i want to sleep. but i can't take my eyes off the screen. wee~ it's sunday edi! and btw, i'm happy for puthu. whoa, darn happy right ? i'm glad she got to know the truth in his after all these past months she'd been struggling so hard. keke, and muthu is funny . and yeah, she knows how to settle the things =P . omg. i heard toilet just flushed. and dad's down to screw me! gosh, insulted and scolded me and went up. i'm in deep shit now. ciaox. =X i need cure!

[ nOt iN dA mOoD ]

2004-10-30T23:40:00.000-07:00

*sigh* can anyone analyze me and tell me what's my mood now? couz i reli duhno. when i don't want to smile, i smiled. when i want to cry, i can't cry. what's this? this feeling is killing me! i'm chatting with puthu now. accordingly, i shouldn't smile! but i did! wat the heck? ouh gawd. sesat case? going crazy soon? maybe this is da sympthoms! gee. sux sux. now i'm curious to noe what's happening lee.. but we can't find out. aihx. seriously, i think i'm useless. i can't even judge myself. maybe someone else can judge me better. well, YEAH.. im faking it out. smiling while replying to people. =X no one to show, but i'm smiling. wat the heck? aihx. sot jor. not to say not in the mood. but. i don't feel like chatting with others cauz they don't know what's happening. aihx. i woke up 3.40pm today. keke. aihx. and i reli hate ppl sweet talk wit me. especially those i don't want them to. what hug hug. what muax. what what what. ouh gawd. =X if others say it, maybe i can accept lar. wagagaga. im goin crazy. my feeling now --ki siao+happy+over excited+anger+sadness+alot alot.. muahahaha XD .. wegAgaga.. someone pls save me! i need help! and i reli hate miscall these days. and here comes anotha miscal from zs. aihx. whatlar. whats wit me. =P~~~ lAlalalal~ i wanna go outt.. but i cant drive.. babited!!!! i suxxx.. useless lerh me!! wana ask ppl sumtin also cant ask!! wth?! shit shit shit~~~ jus now watch the dvd sharktale also stuck half way!!! WAIKS!! and now bro watch, he can continue!!! HAIHHHHHHHxx.. im uselessss.. and about the tel bill thingy..well..dad found out it's actually the auto dialer from my pc. those stupid one.yeah. auto dial when im not using then use our phoen line. dad's blaming me..why didnt off modem..why left pc on..alalalla~haihx.. i felt.. duhno what m i feeling also.. =X kielar.. no appetite..no this no that.. wagagaga.. whatever.. i'm destroyin myself!!!! i wanna start studyin f4 next week!! OH PLSSSS.. i MUSTTTT.. make me plsss!! give me da mood to study next week!!!!

[...un-well ...]

2004-10-30T00:53:00.000-07:00

hAixXx!! deizz.. sob*sob.. today whole day no appetite! and.. dinner ate that nasi lemak.. ate only 1/3.. chizz.. den threw away!! den now jus came back from yumcha~ ate 2 mata kerbau.. but.. still hungry.. well..i dont know laR.. felt lik vomiting now..what's with me? aihxx.. kns.. darn lifeless ler me.. jus now.. i heat up the straighten hair tool..den replace it into those curly type one.. muahaha.. curl my fringe.. and looks lik a south african! muakakaka.. den c c..yer.. i went n straighten back.. gosh im so lifeless that i played with my hair.. dead* hair will be spoilt soon!! ouCh..* sakit!! {';'} kEe..kEe.. haihxx.. sumtin is wrong with my stomach.. dAix.. sux! ---------------

[ the truth is finally revealed ]

2004-10-29T10:51:00.000-07:00

ouch* woke up so early in da morning.. thanks to smt.. miscall miscall~ aihx.. yestaday.. da truth is finally revealed dei.. afta so long, now only i know what's the truth. In fact, it hurts.. thank god that i did not cry! whEw~! i'm tough i guess? but what da heck? my mind kept on playin the so called truth.. aihx.. am i a loser, suxor, or what? darn sat pai lar me.. study also sux lik shit.. i'm neva good in anything.. wahsey.. :'( sob.. looks like i have no reason to continue living.. why am i in tis world uh? to learn what's pain? yeah..guess so.. in this 16 years.. pain is more than happiness for me.. happiness, it's just for a while.. and leave nothing but memory to me.. BUT what bout those unhappy ones? they leave scars in my heart!! yea yea yea maybe im just too sensitive.. blablabla.. i dun lik myself!! yeaa.. that's the final truth!! i hate being myself!!! <-- this feelin suxx!!

[i'm lifeless laaa..so wut?]

2004-10-29T01:19:00.000-07:00

HAIH.. my gawdd.. this month.. October.. I played quite a few friends d.. nothing better to do.. well, that shows i've got improvement in lying! :P but who cares? whoa..just only pakat with fren played another fren.. hrmmm.. seekin for his help to settle down our prob..and all his words like..killin me man..makin me feelin guilty.. hahahaha.. puthu, u felt that too rite/ muahahha.. shit dei.. how to settle down.. dadada.. nvm laa... but some sentence make me dem dem terasa lerr.. :X shouldnt be revealed laa.. :X im bored!! tell me what to do?~ hrmmm.. maybe shud sleep now.. gotta get up earli..send bro to scool den go joggin..hahaha.. go tmn rakyat jog wit jh~ alalala~ den tuitionnn..wahseyy.. unfun~ need to passup book..n i ahven finish ...aikxx..sei kang!! :X ciaox

[grrrrrr.........]

2004-10-28T23:47:00.000-07:00

haiseyyy!! tell u horrr.. thought can have a nice sleep onee.. who knows.. one stupid fucka kept on miscall me til i wake up!! damn him!! well.. not too sure who's that.. nevermind.. well.. i slept at 2.. and dont know starting what time.. he kept calling til i answer and then hang!! wahliaoxx.. he did that few times.. and he's not giving up!! fuck him laaa! then i sms him ask him to stop this fuckin craps!! and guess what.. he stopped! well..i thought can continue sleep d laa.. BUT "malang tidak berbau" he started that again.. wat da shit is in his mind laa? i'm gonna promote his numba.. well.. if u're in a bad mood, and need to @#$%^& someone.. here's his numba 0163976603.. he deserves this!! muahahahahha!! "lei zou cho yat, ngo zou sat mm" ..
aihzz.. denn jus now.. dad checkin his bill and found out the tel bill this month for my online phone is RM1000 plus.. got international call dei.. which means someone stole da line and called lorh.. that ass called p.n.guinea..and p.norfolk! wahsey.. craps laa.. maybe dad'll cut the line.. i dono laa.. if cut..den i cannot go online adi!! sobsob..aihxxx.. -_-" hrmmm.. tml going fer joggin.. buakakakaka.. me, sian yee.. jog?? lolx.. dono can wake up anot.. hahahah.. >"< kayyy.. lazy to type d laa.. hahahahha.. and and.. HOLIDAYYY edi!!! yooohoooo~~~~

[what's with the world?]

2004-10-24T22:10:00.000-07:00

hrmmm.. todayy..woke up at 2pm!! hahaha.. keng lerh? got once even worse.. hahaha.. haih..but then leh.. today damn frust la! guess what? i went to d restaurant to eat larr.. eat eat eat.. and then.. there this bunch of indian family came in and had their lunch/tea lar.. dey..they have no manners at all!! i was sitting at my place eating my chee cheong fun.. and that small kid.. well he got up and the chair was lik pushed back and hit me!! kay.. i don't blame him~ he's just a small kid.. well.. BUT!!..mom said he showed the middle finger to me!! oh my gawd.. wtf? Sand the sister or mum..whoever she is.. saw him doing that to me..and just act cool like as if nothing happened.. mann~!! i can't stand that!! iskkk.. KURANG AJAR!!!! -__= haixx.. dun care laaa.. this whole evening watched channel 38..the tv series top of the forbidden city.. the dancing one.. hrmmm.. but now bro took over.. darn!! means i'll have to go and rent the cd d.. shit ass! wasting my money!! haihxx.. darn no mood today.. maybe i'll have a good laugh later!! MUAKAKAKAKA and cool down.. blablablaa..crappiex.. gee..dad wanna took over this pc.. ciaox

[in a sleepy mood..]

2004-10-24T01:35:00.000-07:00

woooz.. i might doze off while typing.. fooh! all thanks to those great friends of mine! well.. yesterday i slept at 3a.m after watching channel 30.. and guess what? someone started calling me until i pick and then hang, 20 minutes after 3.. omg, i can't believe this! they're ruining my sleep! later 5a.m another friend did the same thing.. well, he's unlucky.. i called back and scolded! 12 something, i'm still laying on my bed.. don't wanna wake up.. but i have to! blaaa~ eat eat eat.. online online online.. and then i had my dinner.. fuiH~ i did nothing whole day! and now my eyes are going to -__- anytime!! arghh.. man.. jus now somebardee called again.. telling whoever-u-are better stop passing my numbers around.. darn! i said i wanna scold that fella for about 1 month d..and i haven't scold him yet..! wtf? argh! ouHh no!!! i'm getting fatter and fatter as each day goes.. :'( sob.. anyone?? please help me to keep fit~ haihz.. my friend told me that if i fail my teras subject, i can't go to the first or second class d.. so.. omg.. i'll be in da fourth for sure!! :'( !! i dunwan!! i dunn wann!! aihhxxx..!! sadness!! :( ... haih..sad..sad..britney's shadow~
It's only your shadow
Never yourself
It's only your shadow
Nobody else
It's only your shadow
Filling the room
Arriving too late
And leaving too soon
No, no, no
It's only your shadow
It's only your shadow
Nobody else
It's only your shadow
Arriving too late
And leaving too soon

It's only your shadow..

Hrmm.. anyone?? please suggest me something to do.. i don't want to sit here going online for the whole day! waikx.. -_= i'm going to be blind soon~ waikss.. darn lazy to type d.. need sleep!! -__="" bwaiz bwaiz.. newayz.. those who are in f5 this year.. few more days left..!! just try your best!! and good luck!! heez..

[good mood] or [bad mood] .. i'll just have to decide it myself

2004-10-23T01:23:00.000-07:00

hRmmm..well good mood or bad mood.. i'm the one who decide it! well.. what a good friday! i'm enjoying pretty much.. in da school.. quite relaxing.. teachers don't quite bother about us.. well.. me, ff, and py played maths magic and urm chess.. HAHA.. then got d results! o-m-g~ BM1.. what i said earlier was right.. my paper 1 sucks like hell! i can't believe this.. i've got so many.. well not many, maybe i should use the word "much".. SO MUCH grammar errors!! hrmmm.. i've got 79.. and luckily.. pn. norita gave me that 1 pathetic mark to get my A1.. but still.. my aggregate sucks like shit kay! the number darn biG! jus because of ONE pathetic MORAL subj! Gee.. maybe i should learn how to moralize myself.. what the heck? uh! bother!
Hrmmm.. den.. afta scool.. got choir practice..muakakaka.. my gawd..im learning french!! kekeke!! hahahah.. funnyy!! den go tuitionnn.. ouhh.. tiredd.. denn.. go watch movie with frens.. watched white chicks.. ridiculous one lar! darn funny.. hahahaha.. hrmmm.. and i did something mean today.. i bought something for someone.. well..shouldnt reveal..cauz if she happened to see this, i'm darn dead.. muahahaha.. well.. wat da heck.. whu cares.. newayz wana watch my channel 3o d! missed 20 mins to blog d!! ciaoz!

What's with life?

2004-10-21T00:38:00.000-07:00

it's now 12.14a.m , 21st of Oct year 2004. my oh my, what's with my life? guess what? i got caught again in school. this time was worse than the others! u know how it felt when one lose one's nerves? that's exactly how i am feeling now! i've got no idea what that particular teacher will do to us.. send warning letter to our parents? for goodness sake! NO WAY man! i'll be dead.. with the first warning form which i've signed for skipping bio.. and this.. what-so-ever-i've-done! NO WAY! I'm like seeing movie now..my mind kept playing the scene when one day i came back from school..both my parents looked fiercely at me and began to question and screw me up! Uhh!! Damn! No way! I don't meant to lie! Forgive me! Yes..forgive me! Haihx.. Not only that..my exam's marks driving me crazy! i got B3 for chemistry..B4 for physics..B4 again for add maths and a G9 for history!! Even b.m.. i screwed the paper 2's novel part.. darn! How can i hand in the paper with those answers terpesong? my goodness! and tomorrow they're receiving the paper 1.. i'll be thinking.. what if my essay terpesong too? UH.. get a B? i'm seeing hell.. like what py said.."to hell u go" yeah.. that sentence is meant for me! to hell i go next year..i was taking my bath just now..and was imagining me studying in either 3rd or 4th class next year.. others will most probably be playing around.. fooling around.. then there's SPM.. i saw me, myself seeing the question paper and left it blank just like that! END of my life man!! Grrrr!! Will I end up to be a failure? I hope not.. I don't want to be ONE! Or maybe i'm making myself one..?? UH!! whatever! could anyone out there just stop irritate me and make me feel better? cuz i feel hardly anyone out there makes me feel comfortable with 24 hours a day~ well, what to do? this is life..maybe i shouldn't complain too much..BUT really.. nobody understands me 100% ..not even my parents..! well.. friends.. they don't really understand me.. okay..well i've to admit that sometimes we can really sit down and talk.. and sometimes they really understand me very well like as though they understand me better than myself.. but sometimes we face conflict.. they don't even bother about what's playing in my mind.. or maybe just argue for the sake of it! They do it to me, why can't i do that too? So they got that back in return! I've learnt my lesson during primary which is don't trust your friends 100% including your close friends. Well what more to say? Life's like the weather.. It's unpredictable!! Hah! I crapped too much! Shall stop now.. ciaox..

it's three in the morning..

2004-10-17T03:11:00.000-07:00

my oh my.. i'm sick! it's 3 in the morning now! and everyone's making me sick! make me pissed! gee.. maybe i'm jus irritated by myself.. anyway, this is my 2nd blog.. changed to this 'cuz i dislike the blogskin earlier.. and i'm lazy to change it.. well, this blogskin is a better one.. suit my mood.. and.. i jus like it.. found it in blogskins.com ..heheh.. well.. nothing much to write.. ciaoz